It Is The Most Wonderful Time For Beer Christmas Ugly Sweater Party
This story is about my friends MIL, and her wedding. Strap in guys, this is a It Is The Most Wonderful Time For Beer Christmas Ugly Sweater Party in which I did THE THING that got me banned from any of her family functions. (Plus a few threats of dismemberment and bodily harm) A good friend of mine from university was getting married! They had been a couple since Junior year of college, through her 2 years in the peace corps and currently her return to this continent. 6 years in total. She had been to all manner of family functions and always came back with a strange story about how she thinks her MIL secretly hates her. But she being a very quiet and sweet person pushed those thoughts aside. Point 1: She is vegetarian and jewish, husband is not. She was invited and went to Christmas dinner and figured she would just eat sides, as well she brought a vegetarian casserole. MIL, after knowing her for THREE years, and being told by husband a few weeks before about not to forget friend doesn’t eat meat…proceeded to put meat in every dish. Friend drank water and ate her casserole the whole night while MIL cried to everyone that friend was so rude for not eating her cooking. Anyway, back to the story. A few friends and I were asked to be in the wedding. Friend has a HUGE family and so this was not going to be a small affair. Neither of them is particularly religious, but friend said it was would be nice to be married under a hoopa. (Think an arbor but 4 poles and covered with a white cloth and lots of flowers) Husband said he could care less, and told her to go and rent one for the wedding. I was at the bridal shower when MIL found out the “pretty canopy” was actually a hoopa. She almost lost her shit in front of a bunch of people, but managed to compose herself and laugh angrily that “if the jews were being represented so would the catholics.” In my head I heard a record screech, guys… they aren’t catholic.
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I couldn’t see Bridger near the It Is The Most Wonderful Time For Beer Christmas Ugly Sweater Party. I started to speak as I turned around “I dunno, maybe he-“ The shock of seeing him made me snort a ridiculous noise as I flinched, reflexively shooting my hands up to the sides of my head like I was trying to block a stray baseball, causing Sash jump and almost drop her little platter “what babe?!” Bridger was standing maybe 2 feet behind us, staring right into my eyes. “He’s just, right here, like, literally standing right… here” I said as I stepped toward Bridger and slowly extended my palm onto his chest. There was a very subtle resistance, no more than a soap bubble, or static electricity, the air felt warmer. He never took his eyes from mine. “Weeeird.” Sasha was watching me wide-eyed “are you touching him?” I pulled my hand back “… kinda” I glanced over my shoulder. All four of the others had stormed over to stand in an arc directly behind Sasha. She watched my gaze and looked terrified, seeming to gather what’d happened. As if I’d told her she had a spider crawling up her back, she hunched her posture protectively, snuck a glance over her shoulder, then back at me. My heart was pounding, eardrums rumbling as a torrent of violent anger flowed through me, clenching my jaw and fists. Breath man. They can’t touch her, it’s fine. “They can’t touch you, it’s fine Sash. They’re just… around us now… Come stand next to me. Let’s get this over with.” She walked over and stood by my side, all five of the ghosts’ angry eyes glued to her. She glanced at me nervously. “You have their attention,” I said as I waved my hand in an arc to indicate where they were, “not sure how you thought this would go, but… go ahead, give em their Christmas gift.” I laughed nervously at my own comment, which made her almost laugh. She took a breath, straightened her back, then stepped forward. She took a knee, and rested the plate of rural Idaho-sourced Afghan cuisine into the snow, then stood up and looked ahead, not knowing she was looking straight into Bridger’s face.
()Such a good guide on how to update the look without having to completely give up skinnies. I do think the It Is The Most Wonderful Time For Beer Christmas Ugly Sweater Party looks nice and paired with a more modern top and boots like you’ve suggested is a good compromise. Having said that, once I started wearing looser fits I never looked back. It’s SO much more comfortable. Bonus is feeling more like I’m dressing for myself than the male gaze. I’m not buying any wide leg jeans (I think that silhouette for trousers will probably have more longevity) but I love straight leg and generally baggy fit jeans. They’re not particularly in trend but not outdated like a skinny which is also a good compromise for folks who aren’t used to the idea of wide leg jeans.
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